So yesterday, homeland security finally did something for me. It cancelled my whole day at work. I was so excited, I did little happy dances for about a half an hour. I should write Tom Ridge a thank you letter.

Dear Tom Ridge:

Thank you for cancelling my day of work on Columbus Day in Tucson, Arizona. I work at the University, and as I am preparing to take a 20-hour drive road trip tonight as soon as I get off work, and had tickets to see Michael Moore last night, I was a little concerned about when I was going to be able to run all the errands I needed to run and when I would have time to pack. Thanks to you and your "mock emergency" on my campus, instead of spending the day running PCR reactions and getting closer to completing my thesis, I was able to go bead shopping, collect Kerry propaganda, and even have a yummy feta, kalamata olives, tomatoes and red onions sandwich at Beyond Bread for lunch. Your thoughtfulness is truly overwhelming. Thank you again.

Sincerely,
me

Lesbians have taken over the state of Oklahoma! Your state could be next!

Ummm, could the lesbians take over Arizona next? And maybe station some real militant man-hating lesbians in the University of Arizona library, so they can beat the crap out of all the creepy perverted flasher men who keep exposing themselves to female students there. Angry militant lesbians with flame-throwers. Okay, maybe not flame-throwers, it is a library. Maybe rubber-band guns.

(Oklahoma link shamelessly stolen from Adam)